One Month

So it's been about a month since I arrived in Montpellier. In some ways its passed quickly and in others quite slow. I don't have any internet access at my homestay, and I just got my laptop on the wireless network at school, so expect updates slightly more frequently. Lately I've been having a weird kind of identity crisis. I've realized that I am not fond of introducing myself as American. I feel this way especially when I am around a large group of Americans. I can't really explain it. It's not that I don't identify as American, or that I feel in any way ashamed, I guess the best way of putting it is that I know I'm not a typical American, so I don't like to be grouped in the same category as them.
This phenomenon came to the forefront of my mind when I was sitting in a youth hostel in Barcelona talking to an Italian man. I've realized that I'm absolutely humiliated by the fact that I am not tri-lingual. Every student in my french institute that doesn't come from the States speaks at least three languages, more of them more. It is really quite incredible to sit in class in France and hear Swedish and Japenese students speaking to each other in English! But, it makes me embarrsed that I too am speaking to them in English. I think often about the fact that I used to be fluent in German. My German is such garbage now that I don't even acknowledge it as a language I speak.
When I returned to the states after living in Germany for 4 years I was extremely embarrased, almost ashamed of my history. I never spoke about my experiences, and never let anyone hear my speak german. I guess I was probably experiencing somekind of weird culture shock, and being a nine-year-old kid who spoke another language was not really the norm at my school. Ever since then I really forced everything German out of my mind and my life. Only in highschool did I really begin to appreciate what I special experience I had had, and by then it was too late, my German was virtually lost.
Being here, I think I am going through the reverse of what I experienced moving back from Germany. I long to be more cultured, more lingual. This desire really helps me when I'm feeling discouraged or scared here to talk to people. Even though sometimes I have to repeat myself 45 times before the sales clerk can understand me, I'm learning, and it will get easier.
Aside from my bizarre culture shock, things in France are fabulous. I spent last weekend in Barcelona and had a great time being an obnoxious tourist with a camera. I'm still getting a hang of this blogging thing, and as soon as I can figure out how to post pictures that are slighly smaller than enourmous, I will.